How can I not question

My life just passed me by and all wonder why am I so angry? Why am I always not satisified? Why do I keep seeking answers for the unanswered questions?....

My answer simply is how can I Not!

How can I live a life that treated me that bad and just not question the reason why... how can it be that the foundation of my life is that corrupt that it scarred me for life .. left a void in me that is only full of hate and fury.. Robbed me from my childhood, stole my innocence..Shattered my dreams and crushed my hope.
How can that be of benefit to in anyway? How can they tell me my pain shall turn to lemonade when all it turned out to be was rotten filth.

I walk around with a broken heart, hiding it's wounds yet can't hide it enough.

Scars showing all over ... eyes bleeding from the agony and voice choked holding back the tears.

After all that how can I not question the reason behind HIS choice for my life. They claim we have the liberty. . They claim we can do whatever we care to do but that is not true ...  I can only feel chained... weighed down to my knees .. I can't move on without my answers I can't go along without understanding .. I can't let go

Another HeartBreak awaiting a pure soul

Another Heartbreak , another soul that shall be lost and I can't do anything about it. 

Another eye looking for love and shall only find disappointment, rejection of it's pure heart and abandonment
Meanwhile I stand still .. hand tied .. even forced to smile in the eyes of the criminals whom I know they shall break that innocent creature's spirit.
Another tear is shed and I can not stop the cruelty of this world not even within my circle.
Another soul shall be broken and I can't avoid it the pain....
Another failure in my book of Shame.

I am the brick that blocks the sun in my life.

I am not  a person who knows how to whine and cry overlost cases, and failed relationships. I am not a person who is capable of shedding a tear out of self pity ,, I cry cos I am angry and because I can not do anything about it ,, I cry because I am weak to not be able to handle whatever hardship I am passing through.
I expect the best out of me, yet I always failed me with my setbacks and fears. I am the biggest enemy of my own self. I am the biggest obstacle in front of my own success and I am too weak to even work on it Or even do something about it.
I have lost a lot of loved ones during my childhood and teenage times; some by departing to their hometowns, others by me departing and leaving them behind and a very few by the ultimate true thing in life .. Death.
I enter relations and i break them up, I settle in a place and then I leave. I can not handle being attached I can not handle being bounded by people and memories! I run, I always run and I make sure to run fast and I go faster and faster .... like I am going to be hit by a train; I run like my whole life depends on it and I keep running that now I can not even catch my breath.
Yes I know all along it's me. I am the brick that blocks the sun in my life.
I am lucky to have all believing in me and what I can do and what I might be!!!  ,, Yet I don't.. I fight myself everyday to wake up and fake a smile, say hello and be upbeat so that people won't notice how much I am failing them. I wake up and I regret waking up, yet still keep energy in my tone of voice and fierceness in my typed words on a broken keyboard
Another day just passed and another will pass.. till one day it will hit me in the face ,,, my whole life was simply just a waste.