I am the brick that blocks the sun in my life.

I am not  a person who knows how to whine and cry overlost cases, and failed relationships. I am not a person who is capable of shedding a tear out of self pity ,, I cry cos I am angry and because I can not do anything about it ,, I cry because I am weak to not be able to handle whatever hardship I am passing through.
I expect the best out of me, yet I always failed me with my setbacks and fears. I am the biggest enemy of my own self. I am the biggest obstacle in front of my own success and I am too weak to even work on it Or even do something about it.
I have lost a lot of loved ones during my childhood and teenage times; some by departing to their hometowns, others by me departing and leaving them behind and a very few by the ultimate true thing in life .. Death.
I enter relations and i break them up, I settle in a place and then I leave. I can not handle being attached I can not handle being bounded by people and memories! I run, I always run and I make sure to run fast and I go faster and faster .... like I am going to be hit by a train; I run like my whole life depends on it and I keep running that now I can not even catch my breath.
Yes I know all along it's me. I am the brick that blocks the sun in my life.
I am lucky to have all believing in me and what I can do and what I might be!!!  ,, Yet I don't.. I fight myself everyday to wake up and fake a smile, say hello and be upbeat so that people won't notice how much I am failing them. I wake up and I regret waking up, yet still keep energy in my tone of voice and fierceness in my typed words on a broken keyboard
Another day just passed and another will pass.. till one day it will hit me in the face ,,, my whole life was simply just a waste.


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